Memoirs of a Gay. Shut up!

I love this book.  And now it’s becoming a movie (starring the equally lovable and toothy Julia Roberts)!  I read this book quite a while back.  I bought it at an airport before a delayed flight to Lubbock (I know, I know…not very fabulous).  Anyhow, I started reading it before getting on the plane…and by the time I was on the plane I was so embarrassed…because I had tears in my eyes.  For some reason this book really struck a cord with me.  It’s the only book that has made me cry.  Or maybe it’s the only time I HAVE cried.  Or maybe I was crying because I was going to Lubbock, Texas.  Who knows? I was probably just drunk.

Regardless of the reason, you should read this book!  It’s one of my favorites!

Tip: Have a highlighter ready because there are some quotes that you might want to read again in this one. In fact…as a bonus because I love you (you dirty selfish whore)…here are some now:

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”

“Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.”

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. “

“Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it’s what you want before you commit.”

Okay okay….one more:

“You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.”

WARNING: This is not a real product. This post is simply for my own entertainment.

You know…the “bad” side really doesn’t look…THAT bad.

Tip: The power of makeup is amazing. Go buy some. And by some, I mean, a lot.

Is it just me, or is Arjun Gupta the prettiest Indian man to ever walk the planet?!?

and…

He’s on the show Nurse Jackie…which…I don’t watch. BUT, after seeing this man on the show, I might just have to start. I wonder if it ever shows him shirtless. After a failing google shirt of “Arjun Gupta shirtless,” I’m starting to doubt it. He pretty much looks amazing enough in scrubs anyhow:

And don’t judge me you whores. You know you would sleep with him too.

Tip: A good gay Indian is hard to come by. They are like a needle in a glittery gay haystack. Don’t take them for granted.

Ann Demeulemeester is my favorite menswear designer.  If I could wear her every day of my life…trust…I would in a heartbeat. If I found a genie, one of my wishes would be Demeulemeester clothing every day for the rest of my life. Take a look at her Spring 1011 collection. She’s used white…which I don’t know how I feel about…but then she turns back to black (yessssssssss).

I know I know…It’s a lot…but I fucking LOVE IT. I also highly suggest that you look at previous collections. Because, for me, her winter collections are ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

Tip: See menswear fashion shows here: http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows You’re welcome hos.

Since when are werewolves sexier than vampires?!? Lately they have been WAY hotter. I watched True Blood last night and have recently become obsessed with Joe Manganiello. Why? Please see below:

HAVE MY BABIES!!!

*snap*

Is anyone else sweating?

They really need to work on the casting of these shows *cough Twilight cough*. Because the vamps are supposed to be pretty sexual as well. I guess I’ll just have to stick to werewolves for now until the casting directors and makeup artists get their shit together.

Tip: Never touch a red rocket. Ever. I never have…but I can only imagine the consequences.

1. Do what you want/what makes you happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone).

2. Stop stressing out about everything.

3. Treat people BETTER than you would want to be treated (I don’t do this…because I don’t have to in order to be happy…but…I think it’s a good idea for normal people like yourselves).

THAT’S IT!

Tip: It also might help if you worship Gaywa (like myself).

I’m sorry…I had to.

Is obesity!

I’m not sure if this obese man is really American…but you get the point.

Anyhow, through extensive mathematical study I have determined that every problem in America can be linked to obesity. Don’t ask me how, the explanation is far too long and complicated for a simpleton like you to understand. Just trust me betch.

Anyhow, now that we completely understand the source of every problem facing the U.S. we have to find an answer, right? Right.

Well idiots, I already have the answer. Send all of our food to third world countries that have the OPPOSITE problem. Done and done. Fuck…it’s hard being a genius.

Tip: If you are obese…not eating is seriously probably the only answer. That, coupled with throwing up, laxatives, and a tape worm should work out perfectly.

I guess God does listen to my prayers.